What the^%&$^$&^$

Thank you, all of you guys who responded to my last post, with detailed suggestions. I am sorry I couldn’t respond to each one of you individually, but there was a family emergency. My father had a heart attack and I had to rush off to Kerala. He is much better now, and things have settled at home, but it had been an incredibly stressful and exhausting two weeks.

I am back in Bangalore, and things are pretty normal now – well as normal as they could. But that’s not the point of this post, or rather rant. The point is..well, go ahead….read.

My dad is ill, really ill – he has had two angioplasties, and came close to the third one this time. It kills me every time I go home, and see him looking so fragile, and yet so brave. He is above seventy and has lot more ailments relating to his age. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that I can do to make things better. Oh yes, the best medical treatment, and probably “being there” for him (honestly, I don’t know how much it has helped him), but what else? As like most heart patients, and people close to them, we have learned to live with it – learn to live with the constant worry even as you continue with your life, learn to have fun even as you continuously check your phone for any missed calls, learn not to confess your worst worries aloud because you are worried that they might actually come true.

But what about people who have a choice – people who are now young, and have the choice of making a decision to live healthily. It really bugs me, really bugs me, when people act as if its not a big deal – when they choose to mess up their own lives, voluntarily, without any consideration for the people who care for them. Recently I had a conversation with my roomie who was saying the same thing.

She was talking about people who go about making random statements like “oh I want to die at 35..but before that I want to live well..do what I want..WTF, let me drink and smoke and then die..anyway life is boring”…and believe me, its become such a fad to make comments like this. And of course, turn a snooty nose at people, who actually try a little bit to have a healthy life style. Do these people actually realize what they are saying? Do they know that I would willingly take those years from them, and give it to my dad, who had so many plans at 72? Do they actually realize that while a five year suicide plan is what they want, it’s not as instantaneous as they think it is? Do they have any idea about the kind of trauma their family goes through, when they see their dear ones suffering. Forget anything, do they realize that a long painful sickness is not really ‘cool’? We have a friend who is 26, obese and diabetic and today leads a restricted life style. My roomie was talking about irresponsible she was at one time, and how a little caution could have avoided a lot of pain today.

Today again, a girl comes across to me and says that she is bored with life, and therefore she is drinking herself to death every day. Oh maybe the comment was meant to be funny, but these kind of things cease to amuse me anymore. I don’t plan to debate on the pointlessness of life, ..its pointless….but for heaven’s sake, use some brains. And maybe a little heart too..and for once, try and be a little less self centered. Yes, of course, the standard argument – Its my life ..I do as I choose, I live it the way I want….NOOOO! Its not your bloody life….You don’t live in a cocoon… and there are people around you who hold a tiny share in that life you are bent upon wasting. So its high time you stop being so selfish, and show a little concern for others. Boredom? Of course, it’s a long life (if you let it be), and you are bound to get dissatisfied at different points….so show the guts to go ahead and change what needs to be changed….instead of being a weakling and using it as an excuse for being an excuse of a human being. In fact you are worse than a person who commits suicide. A person who commits suicide does it with the intention of punishing the people who hurt him; you do it just out of indifference for people – that’s the worse crime in my book.

Whew!! I am angry…I guess its because this is happening so close to my dad’s attack, but all I am asking is for people to be a little more intelligent, and maybe caring. My dad is 72 and he is doing the best he can in the circumstances. But there is a lot more everybody else can do – eat and drink in moderation, walk, exercise, live healthily. It not a guarantee against anything, but life deserves some respect, don’t you think? I do.

31 comments for “What the^%&$^$&^$

  1. July 27, 2006 at 3:01 pm

    Here’s wishing all the best for your Dad!
    My Dad too is the same age and he recently had an angina attack. Now, under doctor’s instructions, he has had to undergo a complete change of lifestyle — being careful about his food, not doing any strenous work, etc.
    About the rest of your post, I think it is the arrogance of youth which makes people come up with such callous statements. Let them get a few solid knocks in life and then they will come back to their senses…

    • July 28, 2006 at 6:57 am

      Thank you.

      And yes, I guess for people, its not a big deal. I mean, it sounds silly to get agitated abt simple easy things like eating healthy..but i guess they will understand some day.

  2. July 27, 2006 at 3:24 pm

    Did you know that people who had angioplasties are strong enough to climb Mount Everest,two weeks after their surgery?(The clause being that they have climbed Mt.Everest before their surgery)

    • July 28, 2006 at 7:05 am

      Well, thats good to know. My dad had been pretty okay after this his first angioplasty..but after the second one, he has had a very restricted life style. A lot to do with age, and also gastro problems which dont allow him to eat well.

  3. July 27, 2006 at 5:25 pm

    I know how you feel about your family. It is so hard to sit the wait and each second gets more unbearable. I feel guilty for everyday that I am not able to spend with my parents. Help or not, I always feel my presence must make a difference to them and to me.
    It bothers me how people find it “cool” to be jaded towards LIFE. Every time I see someone running, jogging, returning from the gym, I feel bad for not being them. I have to make a concious effort to make everyday a healthier one than yesterday by cooking healthy, working out and mostly just being extremely aware of cherishing my blessings and hence, sustaining them.
    I will wish the best for you dad and your presence and these caring thoughts do make a difference to him.

    • July 28, 2006 at 7:06 am

      Thank you. I am glad you understand.

  4. July 27, 2006 at 7:32 pm

    I fully agree with you. I came to Kerala in March this year for a two-week holiday, but the day before I was to leave, my 78-year-old father complained of chest pain and was immediately rushed to hospital.

    Later, a treadmill test revealed that an operation or angioplasty wasn’t necessary (an injection dissolved the blockage), but one week in the ICU and another in a hospital room were bad enough. It probably helped that he had no other age-related ailments such as diabetes. His weight is under control, and his food habits are very spartan. Indeed, I was surprised to see that his cholesterol levels are much lower than mine.

    And… barring a week in June, when I had to be in Bombay, I’m still in Cochin. I realised that the only way I could help out was to be with him physically for a while. Of course, I had to chuck my job, but I had enough money in the bank to live on for about six months. Besides, I’d begun to find my job less and less exciting, so it wasn’t a difficult decision to make. My wife wasn’t with me, but then she couldn’t very well quit her job too!

    I’m leaving for Bombay tomorrow, and hoping to find a full-time job by next month.

    • July 28, 2006 at 7:08 am

      I am glad you took the time off. I wish I could, but at this point, I just cant afford to. Anyway, doing the best I can – going home tonight for the weekend.

      I hope your dad gets well soon.

  5. July 28, 2006 at 3:30 am

    Hey!! I hope your dad gets well soon. I can understand what you went through. It makes a difference being there when a parent is going through that.

    When my dad fell ill, it was a huge blow, given the fact that he did not really recognise us anymore. He had a clot in the brain that made him lose partial memory and mobility. It was 10 months of excruciating pain that we lived thwough. I lost my job and I was at home for almost 9 months and during that time I got to spend a lot of time with him, and of course it was a help for mom too. I guess losing the job that time was the best thing that happened to me because I got to be with my parents at a time when it was required the most.

    Take care! I am sure that everything will be alright.

    • July 28, 2006 at 7:11 am

      Thank you. Dad’s much better now.

      I dont even want to think how difficult it would have been for you. No matter how much you grow up, there is nothing that can prepare you for seeing your parent in pain.

  6. July 28, 2006 at 4:12 am

    Best wishes! My dad is now 65, and thankfully, quite healthy so far – but it scares the hell out of me to think of him being seriously unwell.

    Hope your dad gets better soon and goes on to fulfill his plans, and make new ones, do those and make even more…

  7. July 28, 2006 at 5:53 am

    Hey babe, I hope your dad gets well soon… Things like this make one realize how precious life is, and how you need to take care of yourself not just for you but also for your loved ones.

    On another note, now that I have joined the gym and eat a balanced diet, I feel so guilty about assaulting my body with coke, chips, maggi and other junk…and not exercising because I was thin anyway for so long. I really wish I had done this sooner. Can actually feel the change in myself.

    Those people who assault themselves just don’t know any better…and I hope that when they realize what they’re doing, its not too late for them to change their ways.

  8. July 28, 2006 at 7:13 am

    Thanks babe. And thats why I said I was so impressed with you. Not abt the part abt going to gym to gain weight – but more because you are behaving responsibly towards yourself and your family.

  9. July 28, 2006 at 8:45 am

    how’s appa now? did’nt know he had another attack so soon. hope he’s recovering well now.

    and about your lifestyle rant, i’d say everyone looks at life differently dear. there’s no single prescription for happiness. the verisimilitude and the peer pressure that arises from urban existence can be ignored but one still chooses what makes him/her happy – Smoking/drinking, good coffee, shopping, sex. nothing’s sacred and we ought to look beyond being bastard children of bygone tradition. but yes, you can make the case for moderation.

    i’ve personally thought about quitting smoking so often but hav’nt yet because i’ve grown to like tobacco. now my friend’s dad, who was a chain smoker, quit and adopted a healthy (vegetarian!) lifestyle once he was diagnosed with piles. since i drink and smoke only when “i” feel like it, it’s very rare that i go overboard. people ought to learn to enjoy the drug of their choice and not have it to kill depression – thats how moderation can be practiced.

    • July 28, 2006 at 12:14 pm

      Thanks..achai is much better now. I am going home tonight. I will come back and talk to you. Wanted to speak to you.

      • August 12, 2006 at 12:52 pm

        megha, i tried calling you a couple of times and it said out of range. are you ok, are things ok?

        • August 15, 2006 at 9:57 pm

          am fine. out of the country. will be back on 24th..will call you as soon as i arrive.

          take care.

          • August 26, 2006 at 5:19 pm

            hey i tried calling you again. i’ll be going to the US for three months this 29th. look forward to meeting you when i’m back in december. take care and tell me all about the eurotrip 🙂

        • August 15, 2006 at 10:26 pm

          am fine. out of the country. will be back on 24th..will call you as soon as i arrive.

          take care.

        • August 15, 2006 at 11:22 pm

          am fine. out of the country. will be back on 24th..will call you as soon as i arrive.

          take care.

  10. Anonymous
    August 9, 2006 at 1:39 am

    here is another lame excuse some people use. my uncle is diabetic at the age of 35 – he dosent drink or smoke and used to be a swimming champion in school and college- even now very physically active. shouldnt that make one angry.
    very well written. i felt angry at all the lazy guys midway through reading your post. but then i took a moment paused and let things get back to perspective.
    I hear what you are saying, but giving up maggi will be too extreme a step. lol . a special type of ration called moderation may be the key.
    dont worry, your achai will back to his stud self soon.

  11. August 9, 2006 at 4:48 pm

    One hour and 33 minutes before it is scheduled to begin,
    Here’s wishing M-I-C,
    a very, very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


    • August 16, 2006 at 7:20 pm

      hey..sorry abt the delayed reply but have been out of the country and just didnt have access to the net.

      thank you so much for the good wishes:)

  12. August 11, 2006 at 2:18 pm

    Some have an angst of life, Some have angst with life, Some are angry about angst itself. Looks like a unhappy world for someone to say they want to call it quits by 35 and that life is a bore. These people obviously have a core of unhappiness and maladjustment issues to contend with.
    Well I guess it is a judgement in reverse. They need Help and Understanding and perhaps a sock on their head to shake some sense into them. That how ever is not going to happen. So I guess let them be. They will earn their lessons of life with the hard currency of experience. Maybe you will infulence some simple soul to search their inner self and come out of their existential issues to lead a normal healthy life.

    Anyway, you take care. All the best. Life deserves nothing but Living.

    • August 15, 2006 at 9:55 pm

      Life deserves nothing but Living.

      Coudn’t have said it better. Thank you.

  13. August 18, 2006 at 6:46 am

    Good to know your dad’s much better now. I think being there makes a huge difference, though of course one can’t help feeling helpless and that one isn’t doing much – i went through something similar when my father had a bypass, four years ago.

    As for youngsters not valuing life, many of them are feeling sorry for themselves – a powerful and very avoidable negative emotion. Have you heard the Eagles’ song “Get over it” 🙂 ?

    • August 21, 2006 at 10:54 pm


      an overdose of it just got on to my nerves i guess.

  14. September 1, 2006 at 6:37 am

    I hope that you dad is doing well now.

  15. November 8, 2006 at 8:56 pm

    Really like what you’ve written. Hope your Dad is doing better now…:)

    • November 9, 2006 at 1:05 pm

      Thank you Lakshmi. Dad’s much better now.

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