the dream house

As a little girl, I dreamt of the perfect home – a tiny cottage with lots of trees; checked red curtains, red tiles, a swing in the yard, a creek in the back yard.

As a teenager, the image changed a little bit – the swing disappeared, the creek remained, the red curtains disappeared, the red tiles remained – there were additions like the huge bookshelf, the rajastani paintings, the colorful rugs in the living room.

As every day passed – my dream house started living a life of its own. Every corner, every nook was carefully decorated – not with careful consideration or precise planning, but with a wild enthusiasm that I couldn’t understand myself.

A few more years and life brought showed me colors and shades I had never expected to see. There was love and friendship, betrayal and faith, hope and cynicism, ambition and loneliness, compromise and struggle. Life changed and so did my priorities. The dream did not change, but it did get blurred.

Yesterday the dream took form – and it doesnt look anything like the original dream. I bought an apartment. As I write this, I am too scared to even believe that this is true. I have signed the agreement – the loan is still in processing and the registration is supposed to happen in 2 weeks. Somehow I keep waiting for things to go wrong – that way if it does go wrong, it wont hurt that badly. My friends are all happy and congragulating me, but I seem to be unable to laugh. I have been waiting for this all my life and I seem to be totally blank now. It is weird.

I am dreading the next two weeks. I guess I will only feel okay when everything is done – at least I hope so. Till then, I will hold on the dream and convince myself that reality is a month away.

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