Is it possible to be good friends with a person who has been really really nice to you, but whom you have seen being mean to other people?

19 comments for “Question…

  1. July 29, 2004 at 11:20 pm

    Hmm, more context necessary to arrive at a proper solution. I can’t see a problem unless that person treats people, whom you like, badly.

    More details possible?

    • July 30, 2004 at 4:59 am

      Engineers aren’t we my friend ;-). We tend to see everything as a problem / solution situation.

      • July 30, 2004 at 10:42 am

        Urrm, problem/solution situation is a nice place to be, engineer or not. Atleast you can DO something about it. Apathy is passe.

    • July 30, 2004 at 9:05 am

      This person has been nice to me. Stood by me when I was in trouble, appreciated me when I was feeling low, given me a chance when other people didnt.

      But I saw him being really nasty to some other people. Vindictive and outright mean, and in one case deceitful.

      I knew the people involved, but I had nothing to do with the whole affair. The loyal part in me wants to stand by him, and be friends with him – whatever. The idealistic part in me cant condone his vindictiveness.

      What do I do?:(

      • July 30, 2004 at 10:41 am

        Give them a chance. If it gets really out of hand, then maybe you can do something about it. For now, give them another chance.

        • July 30, 2004 at 11:37 am

          Gosh. You awake at this time?

        • July 30, 2004 at 12:00 pm

          Gosh. You awake at this time?

        • July 30, 2004 at 12:03 pm

          I think I will. I kind of want to 🙂

  2. July 29, 2004 at 11:52 pm

    Of course yes.. one cant like all, one has to have enemies and some pet-hates… otherwise hez a bootlicker… so as long as this person is nice to you, whats the problem?? be nice to him and see how much importance this person gives to you… simple 🙂

    • July 30, 2004 at 8:50 am

      Wish it was so easy. 🙂
      Perhaps I am being idealistic, but I cant really understand meanness. Perhaps if I understood why he is being mean (and I dont there is a reason or an excuse), it would have been easier.

      Besides, isnt the fact that I am judging him – without really making an attempt to understand – proof that I do not really understand this person.

      which leads to another question…

      Can I be friends with a person whom I dont really know?

      But perhaps you are right. This person has been nice to me, and maybe I am being unfair.

      • July 30, 2004 at 9:16 pm

        Frankly put, his being mean to others is none of your business. The most you can do is ask him why he is treating them like that (depends on ur comfort level with him on that).. but he will have his reasons for for being mean… being mean and nasty to some people is NOT wrong.

  3. July 30, 2004 at 4:55 am

    The other side.

    I suppose you should answer this question yourself by putting yourself in the shoes of each person involved. Like say … would the person be nice to you if you were in the other person’s (who was subjected to the mean-ness) place? etc.

    • July 30, 2004 at 8:39 am

      Re: The other side.

      That it exactly what I meant. I cant help thinking that this person could be mean to me too in a different situation. I know that it is not likely, but I dont feel comfortable to start getting ‘totally comfortable’ with this person:), which is a such an important part of friendship.

      And also if I dont really respect this person (cant understand meanness), I cant really feel comfortable with him. Even though he is been really really sweet to me.

      • August 1, 2004 at 9:15 am

        Re: The other side.

        Actually, I don’t think I would mind if the person is mean to ME also. It really depends on the situation. Chronic meanness isn’t nice (and It would be difficult for me to be friends with someone like that), but admonishing someone based on the situation is quite fine. Be it me, or someone else.

  4. July 30, 2004 at 11:34 am

    if the person is mean to everyone else in general, other than you … then there is a problem …
    if the person is mean to some specific people … then it can work out

    i had a friend who was v.nice to me all the time … but yelled and screamed at everyone else … even total strangers … in the long run … it didn’t work out …

  5. July 30, 2004 at 12:02 pm

    If the person is mean to some people..then it can work out

    I guess that is the case here. So I hope, it works out.

  6. August 16, 2004 at 9:37 pm

    oh yes..

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